Joy in the Darkness


Today my heart goes out to all those who are discriminated, hated, and judged. This post is not going to be clean and tidy so if you are opposed to strong language then please switch to another page.

Life is fucking hard. It can suck and some folks are just not nice. That’s a sad truth for a lot of people.

I spent a lot of time yesterday sending Reiki to myself and it was amazing. I felt so at peace and calm. Went to work out, buy some things for my divine masculine altar and took a long bath. This morning I went for a nice stroll, bought some cleaning supplies, cleaned up my apartment and then got on Facebook. Earlier this morning I ran across a post from Mercedes Kirkel on her experience that she is having with the ascension process that you can find here. She wrote that through her channeling with Mary Magdalene she has begun to ascend to the 4th dimension and with that the barriers that she has placed upon herself to protect her heart are falling away. She had a profound experience where she felt what Mary Magdalene felt upon hearing a story of sexual abuse. When I read Mercedes remarks on feeling everything. Not blocking out any emotion. That we often in order to shield our selves from pain, shut out emotions. This though also cuts us off from love.

My heart felt like it stopped in that moment. I feel a lot. I have bottled much of those feelings down because I fear that I cannot handle them. That they are too much for me and that I will crack or break under the weight of all the feels. So I often disassociate. Distract with projects, diverting my attention, focusing on the good things. This does allow for me to be able to think of something else for a limited time. But not forever. Not for long.

So I finished my chores. Ate lunch and was ready to check in to Facebook. See what was going on. My heart stopped. Then broke. My timeline was filled with news of the shooting in Orlando. Of the innocent lives forever changed and lost due to the bigotry and hatred. Immediately my mind moved to distract myself before the pain could set in. Then I stopped. My thoughts went to the post from Mercedes. I said this is it. This is when we start to numb ourselves. So I stopped. Sat back and just let the emotions flow.

Pain, so much pain. Confusion. I was perplexed by how resorting to violence is ever the answer. I know folks always say there’s a time and a place. That sometimes it gets to that point but it’s just so hard to see how that is ever the case. And in this circumstance any excuses are unacceptable. The time to reason and accept hatred as honoring another’s right to their beliefs and opinions is over.

We speak of love. Kindness. Peace. But we don’t live it. We don’t teach it. We teach fear, doubt, and judgement.

So I challenge you today. If you hear of the tragedy in Orlando today. Do not distract yourself. Feel the pain. Feel the terror, pain, despair, and horror. Whatever comes up for you, feel it. Then shift it if you can. Shift to anger if necessary. Shift to confusion. Shift and prepare for thought and action. May you be able to feel for those who cannot. And may you be able to do what you can to heal yourself, others, and our world.

  • Rose

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