In focusing on myself this year and at this time before the office journey to the underworld during the winter season, I am working through Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life in order to begin to address my issues with trust and faith. So that I can chronicle and archive this point in time I will be going through some of the exercises and insights here on The Bliss Institute.
Feel free to follow a long with me as we traverse the path of healing.
The first chapter is “What I Believe- with the quite ‘life is really very simple. What we give out, we get back”. Which immediately made me think what am I putting out? Can I just review what all is going on in my life and then use that as a program to indicate what I am putting out there? In that case, I am putting out non-commitment, poor communication, being closed off, and difficult to get to know/understand. That is the energy that I come across over and over. Let’s go through each point.
Non-commitment: Well I do have a difficult time making decisions, sticking to a plan, making a plan and often time letting others know what this plan is. In fact this can go as far as my perpetual lateness. I try but it is difficult to get to events and my obligations on time.
Poor communication: Alright now I admit I have a difficult time with keeping consistent and clear communication. This is something I am actively working on because I have noticed this pattern. I have what feels like the chance to make amends and begin to change this energy next week with an old friend with whom I would make plans and always cancel last minute which I knew really disappointed him but I just couldn’t deal with seeing him at that time. This along with other relationships where I would make plans only to cancel because of anxiety and feeling overwhelmed are something that I know I need to change if I would like consistent quality communication from others.
Being closed off/Not allowing others to see the real me: I can be guarded. Part of this is a defense mechanism from being hurt before and wanting to vet others before letting them in. Another portion of this is overall I’m not a very open or visible feeling person because I over analyze pretty much everything. Being vulnerable is very difficult for me which goes hand in hand with the difficulty in communicating. It takes me awhile to identify and relay my feelings about things which can be frustrating for others when they are wanting to get to know me. I like taking my time though as I feel that gives me adequate time to truly reflect and be clear so that I am not just reacting in the moment. I am practicing so that I am able to identify my emotions faster in order to be more efficient in communicating. I do know I can come across as cold ahaha but honestly I’m so often in my head I’m just not paying attention to those around me. I also don’t like playing games and much of general conversation is just fodder to feel the empty space of silence. I like silence. There must need to be more work done here.
Well obviously I’ll be getting into some deep areas here so we will see what wonderful changes accompanies these thoughts. Thank you for going on this journey with me.