Tired and Over It

Greetings beloveds,

I don’t know about the rest of you but I have had a kinda rough start to the year. Culminating in this very stressful month of April. I think I will remember this month for the rest of my life. This was when everything changed. For the better I know though!

I had a feeling this was coming. Well that’s a lie, I knew it was coming. I have problems with letting go. With looking at something that is no good for me and saying goodbye. I always have faith and want to see the good in others. I want to believe that they have changed. Hell that I have changed. That we are better then what we were. Perhaps taking the morality out of the situation would help. We are definitely not where we were before but I would not say that we are better or worse. Different. Different is more than ok.

It’s difficult for me to be transparent. To say that I have a hard time. To be vulnerable. But that hasn’t served me well so here I am. All open and ready to receive.

Spring cleaning cleared out way more then what I thought it would. A relationship has come to a close for the second and final time. I’m done and over it. I’m ready to move forward. It feels complete. I know before I felt like I didn’t have the ability to say what I needed to say but not this time. Our fall out came because I stood my ground on an issue that had been bothering me for a long time. I have issues acknowledging where I need to improve. Everyday though I am getting better at it.

I’m not afraid any longer to say hmm yea that’s not me that’s you. That’s how you see me and it doesn’t matter what I do that’s how you will interpret what I do. That’s your right and prerogative. I too, have placed you into my image of who you are. We each have to make a choice to breakdown the image of how we see others and ourselves. We have to believe that others are here for us and to give their very best. If we look for pain it’s most likely what we will find. But don’t get lost in that law of attraction you create everything in your life because some people just suck. They hurt, fight, demean, are cruel and are just not so great people to have in our lives. It may be your choice whether you stay in that situation or not but it’s definitely not your choice for the actions that they do to you. So if staying in a matter of safety.  A matter of life and death, then you make the best choice for you. I have to admit, I have been blessed to never be in this situation but I can definitely see how this could evolve from a relationship (romantic, platonic, work, spiritual) that had no indications of becoming a monster, of becoming abusive.

We each do the best we can. I hope that you are able to one day cheat on fear. Take your power that you hold within you and move towards what will serve you best. I send all of you love.

-Rose