Confusion

Hello beloveds,

How are you all doing? Did you get a good nights rest? Stay out til dawn laughing and having a fantastic time with new and old friends/loves? I hope that however you are right now you are in a space where you are able to express your feelings in all of their complexities.

I’m feeling for lack of a better term…weird. I received a message from the ex. The one that I was pregnant with his child…I thought that I was past all of those feelings. That he didn’t affect me any longer. For a minute that was true. As long as I wasn’t in contact with him I was fine.

I think all around though I have had a strange pull to connect with the males in my life. I messaged a couple of them this morning. One had a minor car accident and the other I hadn’t heard from as of yet. I’m not too worried about the second one as he’s very busy and half way across the world. Though I do know I would like to check in with him…it just feels like there’s this draw to make sure that the men that I know are safe. Do you ever get those nudges? Do you ever just feel the need to connect with certain people or those who carry a certain energy? That’s where I am and I am trying to honor that nudge.

It’s difficult though because it made me sad to hear from the ex. It brought back all the memories and issues. In my heart I know we don’t work. I know that I am happy that we are moving forward and exploring who we are and who we should be with but it’s still hard to think of what could have been.

I just wish things could have been different sometimes but I try to put my trust in Spirit and not fall into these feelings of doubt, fear, and failure. I want to be better. I want to do better. To be able to connect with others while still maintaining my own self. For some reason I don’t have this issue when it comes to friends but with romantic relationships it’s just easy to slip into the realm of jealousy and fear. I have so much to work on and I know that by sticking with these new ventures that I have in place, eating well, movement and faith I can get where I desire to be.