Reflections Entry 1

Greetings beloveds,

This space used to be a lot more personal as I was going through a particularly rough time. I needed the distraction though of attempting to write about what was happening for me spiritually as opposed to what was going on in other areas of my life. 2016 is a 9 year but for me personally until the past 2 months this has been a 7 year. I explored my spirituality and accepted portions of myself that I had always kept compartmentalized and separate from pretty much everyone in my life.

I did end many connections that I held to people, programs, and thought paradigms. For instance I exited two groups associated with healing and women’s spirituality. One group was particularly focused on the duality/polarity of the divine feminine and masculine in very traditional and for me outdated roles. The other just wasn’t providing me with the depth that I was desiring in a group. The topics centered on abundance, money, and ascension. Although I know these topics are of importance to many people including myself without authentic diving into the depths of the shadow it just doesn’t align with my process at this time.

I also have taken some time to set boundaries for myself with others that was particularly difficult for me. I still wrestle with trusting myself at times. I do not want to hurt others which can leave me feeling drained and powerless, as if my needs are not worthy of getting met. I know this isn’t true but I am slowly getting to the point where I can truly put myself first and communicate with others my needs in order to have them be fully met.

Another ending that occurred this year was in the relationship department. I let go of a particularly toxic connection that I had to a lover that left me having to make some tough life choices. One thing that became very clear was that I was living through some of the patterns associated with my family lineage. One of which was falling into a partnership because of “morals” and “obligations”. The results of this have been to put others before the self creating a life of unhealthy attachment and dependency. I chose to stop that pattern. I chose me and although it was freeing to do so it also felt confusing as I didn’t know what to do with the resulting emotions. It was strange to feel triumphant yet sad at the same time. Feeling altogether is a new experience for me as I had numbed myself to emotions until about 2 years ago. After my first encounter with this partner I had a reactivation of my heart chakra. I cried about everything and anything. Then I began to feel a lot of anger. Now I’m oscillating between intense bouts of love and empathy for those around me.

As such I am exploring relationships again. Constantly learning and seeking a healthy connection to myself and to others. I’ve started a friendship with someone but I am beginning to think this may be more a of spiritual connection than romantic. I am enjoying the lack of internal pressure that I usually feel to move quickly from talking to sexual activities and exclusivity. It’s a delight to just be able to chat and spend time together. This is a nice change in events from my usual relationships trajectories. I still debate on how I feel about things but am content to take things one day at a time.

One thing I have been addressing is my communication style and needs. I am a talker even though I crave moments of silence and solitude. At the beginning of our time together with the new fella we spoke all the time. Throughout the entire day and into the night including going on dates to restaurants, movies, and hang time. Things have slowed down a bit especially as I am often out of town. Although at times I would like to have the frequency of our interactions back where they were I also am happy to have more time back to myself. I am working on finding and knowing what that happy medium is.

Another ending that occurred this year was with my vehicle which corresponded with my idea of lack as well as release along with leaving my doctoral program of study. I find myself aligning closer and closer to what my heart desires and what brings me joy in life.

This is an 8 year for me now as my birthday recently passed in October. It’s a time of focusing on career and alignment with my occupational destiny. I have been laying the foundation for getting my business of the ground but I know that this year will be the time to truly move forward in this area. Especially as next year, my 9 year, will undoubtedly see the release of the last areas of my life that are not aimed at my highest good. My card reading that I did all had the same outcome. This is a time to focus on myself, love myself and build abundance. We will see what this holds for my love life but I know that taking some time and space to myself will be the best route for me.

So for the sake of transparency here’s an updated peak into my life. I will try to do these more often perhaps once a week would be nice but we shall see. December and January are going to be hibernation months for me. I am not taking on any additional social obligations other than the one’s I have already committed to. I need time to regroup and prepare for the spring. I have been advised that it is time for me to focus on writing so I should be around here more often than I have been.

Well that’s it for me! Feel free to share what’s been going on in your life or linking to your blog where we can read about you for ourselves.

With love,

Rose